i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
