Are we in a gay sports bar?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
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she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
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It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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