I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
