i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
