would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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