Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
