omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
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Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize