South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
