Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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