He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
i think my cat just said my name.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
