I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
