Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
