Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
