There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I didn't shave. On purpose
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just found a bag of teeth...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
