are you so shy because you have an std?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
