fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
