she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
