So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
