The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
