She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The police scanner is talking about you again....
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
