turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
