I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
