You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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