What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
