got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
