the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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