i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
