We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
