Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
