if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
