How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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