dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Randomize
