They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
