Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
