That's intense
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
