She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
