i jhust puked up my retainher.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
