She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I am one with the molecules
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
