i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
