I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
