Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
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It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
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Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Two words: blizzard sex
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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