I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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