I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
