dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
