I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
