yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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