Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
