At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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