Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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