Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
