the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
