okay pat passed out under dana's car
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
