Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
