Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
