I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
