if you like me you must not know who I am
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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