Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
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I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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