im holly from the hills drunk
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
