I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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