Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You were trust falling into bushes
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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