Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize