Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize