i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
After tacos, we're chasing women.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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