Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
zippers are such a cool invention
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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