I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
