Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
