My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
