I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
