I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize