My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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