Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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