I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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