Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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