we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
