In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My vagina just clenched in fear
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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