Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm always down for nudity.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
