Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
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A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
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I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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