I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
